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Canadian Divorce Agreement

Discussion in 'Share a Joke' started by Magic13, Apr 7, 2018.

  1. Magic13

    Magic13 Well-Known Member

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    CANADIAN DIVORCE AGREEMENT......
    THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT That I can hardly believe it was designed by a young student. Whatever, or whenever he runs for some spot... in politics, I’ll vote for him. The person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope for them after all. DIVORCE AGREEMENT
    Dear Canadian liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Castro supporters, et al: We have stuck together for 150 years for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of Canada cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. HERE IS OUR SEPARATION AGREEMENT:
    Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. We will settle for less landmass if we get the right portion, which must include Alberta & Saskatchewan.
    That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy given the favoritism divide.
    Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You can also keep the Carbon Tax. --You are welcome to the liberal judges, CUPE and UNIFOR. --Since you hate guns, and war, we'll take our firearms, the police, and the military.
    --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
    --You can keep Butts, Barbie, Shannon & Suzuki. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all four of them.
    --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, the farmers, Wal-Mart and the TSE.
    --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food vouchers, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. --We'll keep the greedy CEO's and rednecks. --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to help invade and hammer places that threaten us.
    --You can have the peaceniks, the pipeline and war protesters, and anti-everything economically beneficial crowd. -- When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide security. --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, peoplekind, political correctness and Mr Dress Up. You can also have our share of the U.N. We will no longer be paying any part of that bill. --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt, Tesla and Leaf you can find.
    --You can give everyone free and regulated everything healthcare…. if you can find any practicing doctors. --We'll keep "God Save the Queen" and "The Old National Anthem words."
    --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine"or "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", with "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
    --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our language, the war memorials and the Queens picture.
    Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberals and socialists. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
     
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  2. WalleyeSlayer

    WalleyeSlayer Well-Known Member

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    Add Manitoba to the mix!!
     
  3. Thane

    Thane Well-Known Member

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    Must have been written by someone from Alberta with a narrow view of what it takes to actually survive on this planet. Take away all of the oil and all of the above said goes to shit. Think about it! All of those healthcare workers educated in a publicly supported post education system would have to be removed so no doctors, nurses, dentists etc... Sure they could be imported from the US but you'd have to pay steep for insurance due to the extra costs incurred until you can educate a new crop of professional in your private high tuition institutions. Heck that includes all professional University and college educated folks would have to leave too. You could probably live in you SUV on the street when the fuel runs out and maybe build a dome over this area to keep all the pollution in too from all those. Maybe the rest of us in Canada could sell you oxygen and water when you've exhausted your short water supply once your tar sands and fracking and poisoned all the natural aquifers and waterways in this new divorced region from Canada. I guess all these rednecks would have enough guns and ammo and till the steel and bullets runs out in Eutopia. The rest of Canada could sell it to those capitalists and rednecks at an inflated cost cause Alberta and Sask have no steel industry. I don't believe there's any ammo industries in Alberta or Sask either.

    I'm being sarcastic and not saying I agree with any of the bullshit government crap that goes on these days. Realistically the writer of the above agreement still has no fucking clue how quickly things would fall apart in any place living in this proverbial bubble and think life will be great in that world. Take away the oil in Alberta and what's left. Cows, grass, some forestry in the north and a small amount of farmland. They won't have dick once the oil is gone. Later we could sell them some solar panels that apparently are bad and we'll sell them some apparently bad electric car once their oil runs out. Places like Norway have free publicly funding University education and have properly invested monies from oil unlike Alberta who wastefully spent all their surpluses.

    I'm sorry if I like clean water, forests, efficient vehicles and affordable post secondary education. Does that make me a Liberal or leftist? I don't agree with the ideals of all other nations around the planet but lets face it we trade with those folks and needs to learn to live with each others differences. Life has changed in Canada and has always changed. Ask the aboriginals about when the Europeans arrived. Maybe they have the same opinion of us white folks, Rant over but some folks need to pull their heads out of their asses.
     
  4. Magic13

    Magic13 Well-Known Member

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    Satire (noun) is a genre of literature, and sometimes graphic and performing arts, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.
     
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  5. Frank_NK28

    Frank_NK28 Well-Known Member

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    Share A Joke” sub-forum.......

    “A joke is a display of humour in which words are used within a specific and well-defined narrative structure to make people laugh and is not meant to be taken seriously. It takes the form of a story, usually with dialogue, and ends in a punch line. It is in the punch line that the audience becomes aware that the story contains a second, conflicting meaning. This can be done using a punor other word play such as irony, a logical incompatibility, nonsense, or other means.”
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
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  6. Mike B.

    Mike B. Well-Known Member

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    Enh...let it go fellas. Magic13 has posted some good jokes in the past.....let's just get past the slump and move on :thumbsup1:

    **I don't always know when the correct grammatical usage of past and passed is.....Leave it in the past. The car passed me doing 140. Correct?
     
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  7. WalleyeSlayer

    WalleyeSlayer Well-Known Member

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    Yes Mike, That is grammatically correct.

    Also:
    As I walked past my co-worker's desk, I passed gas.
     
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  8. Mike B.

    Mike B. Well-Known Member

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    #drive-by
     
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  9. WalleyeSlayer

    WalleyeSlayer Well-Known Member

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    aka, crop dusting!
     
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  10. Mike B.

    Mike B. Well-Known Member

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